• 3 dozen pigeon eggs (preferably feral) - drain the yolks and whites and ensure the shells are nice and crunchy
  • 1 bag of stale flour - ensure thoroughly weeviled
  • 500g "I can't believe it's not rancid butter"
  • 1 carton sour milk
  • 30 well-gummed sweet butter candies
  • 50 wasps (if you don't have wasps you can substitute with bees)

Pour ingredients into a burlap sack and beat across the heads of your enemies (we're assuming you have no friends)
Pour lumpy batter into 2 bed pans and leave under the bed for 3 weeks

Mash up 50 wasps with the remaining sweet butter candies and spread liberally over 1 cake.
Squash caskes together by sitting on them (bum baking)

Shake head frantically over cake for delightful frosted effect and if you're feeling fancy, jam a wasp nest into the centre to finish off in style

Many thanks to chefs Anna-Goblin and Benny-Goblin for their input into this recipe.